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Yeah, let's see the crunchy granola bitch find me now.With the change of direction and the possibility of delaying Destiny finding me, I have the first chance since I've been back, to really enjoy the mountains. I couldn't do that at the cabin because I was too busy kicking the greenies asses. I'm glad to be away from the cabin (other than for one major reason) but I miss the hell out of the trees. I'm above timberline here and miss the smell of the fresh pine scented mountain air, instead I smell the tundra that grows in the higher elevations of the Rocky Mountains and it's just not the same. But as usual the sun is out, the skies are clear and I'm free from all the chains that held me back last week. No, it's more than that: I'm free of the chains that had held me down for years. Now that I've changed directions again I kick it into overdrive to make it hard as hell for the crunchy granola bitch to find me. Then I find something which slows me up...Present – Destiny – Looking for. Not let anyone put me down, or even worse, humiliate me. Icouldn?t let anyone know I was a sissy!But, really, that was pretty stupid. I had thought I was female since Iwas a kid. The day I discovered my mother's lingerie was still etched inmy mind as one of total joy. I played with it for years. And over thepast couple of years, finally with Pamela's support, I had done everythingI could to become a woman.And what did it mean to be a man anyway? I guess it was some kind of coreidentity thing that was supposed to come from having a Y chromosome. ButI didn't have that core identity. My core identity was female! It' notjust that I dressed like a woman, I reveled in it. It's not just that Ihad classic female tendencies, like nurturing, nest building, and wantingto help out, I loved doing those things. Maybe I was a ridiculously old-fashioned stereotype, but I longed to be romantic, yielding, and demure.I wanted to be playful, not commanding, vulnerable, not forceful,seductive.
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